果冻传媒

The 淔our Children� and Their Parent

Instead of seeing the four children as four separate and distinct entities攍et explore them as one child and one parent going back and forth in dialogue. This reading makes sense of the dialogue and its apparent disregard of the Torah specific answers for each question, while reflecting some very basic truths about pedagogy and parenting. There are three big internal issues in the questions as posed:

1. The descriptions of the four children include three intellectual characteristics (wise, simple, and unable to ask) and one moral characteristic (wicked), and thus there is a glaring inconsistency (a wise person can, after all, be wicked, and a wicked person can be simple, etc.)
2. The first and second children both phrase their questions in the second person (渢ell me about the laws that our God has commanded you� and 渢ell me what the meaning of this service of yours is�). Why, then, is the first child answered in a civil way (and called 渨ise�), while the second child is berated (and called 渨icked�)?
3. The Haggadah correctly notes that the four children are present in the Torah (the fourth child, of course, is silent, but is alluded to when the Torah advises the parent to 渢ell your child on that day�.�). But only the third and the fourth receive the answers that the Torah prescribes.

The 渨ise� and 渨icked� questions � objectively viewed � are equivalent to each other. They both begin with 淢ah�, which can mean 渨hat�, but can also mean 渨hy is it��. The child asks the parent 渕ah ha-edot�.�. Seeing the various Passover rites, practices that are hardly universal, the child wants to know why the parent is doing these rituals. But the parent prefers to answer the easier question of �what潝 淗ere a catalogue of all you need to know about living a Jewish life, right down to the last Mishnah�. (The subtext of this encounter: 淎m I not a good parent/teacher, and aren檛 you a wise child?�)

But the child hadn檛 asked a 渨hat� question. The child asked the crucial 渨hy� question � perhaps the most important question anyone, of any age, can ask. The essential message of Passover is that the service of God is unlike the service of Pharaoh, even though the same Hebrew word, avodah, is used for both. Pharaoh does not brook 渨hy� questions. No tyrant does. No slave may ask why. But the essence of being free is the ability to ask such questions. And one is entitled to good faith attempts at answers.

So let us go back to the child. Having gotten the catalogue of rules, the child clarifies the original question asking, 渢ell me the meaning of this service of yours.�  Profound embarrassment ensues when the parent cannot answer. Why? Because like so many of us, the parent hasn檛 thought very deeply about why we should be doing what we do as Jews, and why we want our children to continue those practices. The natural reaction to a question that exposes ignorance is to declare the question illegitimate and offensive, and lash out at the questioner. This is exactly what happens with the 渟econd child,� who is just the same child paraphrasing the original question. But the child is called 渨icked� for asking such an impertinent question. Note, that the question still has not been answered.

The child is now perplexed. The question about the Passover rites is put aside, and another question comes to the fore. It is: �mah zot�? In all simplicity (the meaning of 淭am�), the child wants to know why this abusive treatment is coming from their parent instead of patient teaching. What is this? Why is this happening? The parent uses the Torah prescribed answer for this question (see Exodus 13:14), with the meaning shifted in this dialogue. 淕od took us out of Egypt with a strong arm.� It is God 渟trong arm� that resulted in our being in God service. In other words, the parent, unable and unwilling to engage the essential question, now invalidates the entire point of the Passover message. Service of God becomes just like service to Pharaoh � we must simply respect the 渟trong arm�, the power, and not make trouble with 渨hy� questions.

The outcome of all of this is sadly predictable. The child has now been taught, perversely, not to ask questions. [Perhaps we should read the Haggadah eino yode檃 lishol as yode檃 lo lishol � the child now knows not to ask!] And in this radio silence, the Haggadah offers the only possible advice: at p檛ah lo � 測ou had better reopen the conversation with this child all over again.� And this time, offer the teaching of Exodus 13:8 without the caustic sarcasm. Open a serious dialogue with the child (or with the student, or the friend, or the spouse, or whoever asks) about the essential 渨hy� questions: Ba檃vur zeh asah hashem li b檛zeiti mimitzrayim� because it is for this very reason that our ancestors were freed, and why people everywhere yearn to be free: to end our constriction to the 渨hat�, and to be able to ask what is, after all, the signature human question: 淲hy?�